最爱

Read this paragraph online, took a while to fully absorb what the message is trying to convey.
Didn't feel like posting this, but I dun want to forget it. I dun want keep it in my computer, so, store it online.

在对的时间，遇见对的人，是一生幸福
在对的时间，遇见错的人，是一场心伤
在错的时间，遇见错的人，是一段荒唐
在错的时间，遇见对的人，是一阵叹息

其实有些事情，真的是没得到的时候，最珍贵美丽。
你是否分得清楚谁是你最爱的人，谁是最爱你的人，谁是你要共度一生的人.

你最爱的，往往没有选择你；
最爱你的，往往不是你最爱的；
而最长久的，偏偏不是你最爱也不是最爱你的，
只是在最适合的时间出现的那个人。
你，会是别人生命中的第几个人呢？

没有人是故意要变心的，他爱你的时候是真的爱你，
可是他不爱你的时候也是真的不爱你了，
他爱你的时候没有办法假装不爱你；
同样的，他不爱你的时候也没有办法假装爱你；

聪明的人喜欢猜心，虽然每次都猜 对了，却失去了自己的心........
傻气的人喜欢给心，虽然每次都被笑了，却得到了别人的心........
Being the silly one sometimes can be a good thing.

From L word Season 4 Epi6

Shane: I am that kind of person when I get too close to someone I push her away.

Do I really care?

There are just something that you care so much so you cant feel you care anymore.

So, If I say I dun care, it might be I care too much, or I really dun care. See how you interpret!

I do get jealous at times, but I always act in a way to make people jealous. *evil me.... kind of extreme reaction. bad bad bad.......

EYah..emotion stuff

coming to the end of semester soon. As usual, i feel nothing, or rather there are too many things I should lay my emotion at which makes me refuse to have feelings for any. Or maybe I am just a bastard who has no feelings. LOL...* laugh at oneself....

I think I laugh too much even the saddest thing in life can be a joke to me. I do have feelings or emotions towards things that are irrelevant to me. I show sympathies towards the poor family I visited during my back pack trip in China, I cried for victims of varies disasters; I care and concern 3rd world country people who are struggling in life. But, I just find difficulties in expressing emotions towards issues that relate to myself.

Someone once told me this: you have very deep threshold. You have one of the most complicated personalities that I ever seen.
LOL... yeah, life experiences and alot of things happened in life have forced me to grow up. I have learnt to protect myself by locking up emotions. I don't talk about it, because I don't think about it. Some stuffs are just nice to keep them frozen otherwise soon they will turn rotten and eventaully corrode the healthy flesh.

I am happy to be who I am. (present tense)
I wanna forget who I was.
I don't think about who I will be.

I am tired

I AM SO FUCKING TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i cant feel my body! or rather i feel it in a negative way?! I am not afraid of physical tiredness, so... still manageable.

- keep passion going!

* and keep on reminding myself of forgetting things that need to be forgotten; remember things that make me happy; forbid curiosity from running wild!

irony

Had a rough count of how many blogs I ever had... to my amazement I had 6 blogssss in total! Come on la I am not someone who willing to expose my inner thoughts, or rather whatever thoughts I have. I just find difficult to share. Well, as a typical gemini i am talkative.... Extremely talkative when i am drunk especially. But if anyone pay a close attention on the content I was talking about, to his surprise I can simply bullshit all night long, without any nutricious content! LOL... it's kind of a gift too ok?!
well....

me busy....busy busy busy.. cos wasted too much time on my puppy.... LOL....

Words to friends- who changed my life

Hi dear friends, thks for all your warm wishes and concern! I am fine here, school is busy but trying my very best to cope. Haven't boomed up 100% of my energy yet, so adapting, enjoying and exploring is what I am doing now. How are you guys my dear friends?!!

Lionel: Thks for writing on my wall, very sweet of you. I am glad that you are planning a trip to Europe during break, I guess it gonna be a wonderful experience!! We shall plan a trip together someday, maybe meet at Tasmania first to find the rest! LOL

LH: Sorry I just saw your message here in my blog.. ^ ^ Ya I am fine, how about you? Still busy with school? I really envy you could go to so many countries for exchange, I reckon you have learnt alot, definitely more than what we can learn from school.. Stay happy always and I shall expect your visit one day am I right?!!!

Ivo: Girl!!! Didint really get to chat with you in MSN, the connection is so slow at home. So everytime was a kind of rush... I enjoyed so much time spent with you before I came to Aussie. Crazy shopping times together last time and good food session!!! Ha, I am mesmerised with all sorts of things we did tofether. ^ ^ miss ya

Jace: Hey girl you went back to Aussie so early didnt really get a chance to catch up with you. Just wanna let you know that you are someone I always care about! Be positive always and have faith in yourself! You are such a wonderful girl! ^*

Zak: Horny Queen!!!! hahaha....How is "married" life?! LOL.. aya you two are such a loving couple I wish you happy forever!! Thks for being so sweet and thoughtful all the time. The surprise bday gift last yr really touched me.. I miss your Mom's brownie!!!! LOL... and of course, miss you too!!

Vir: Was looking through Pics taken at your house last time ,the BBQ session. Time really flies and It has been a such a long time. You didn't change much, still as pretty!!! ( and fair) hahahaha
then stay pretty ok!? And enjoy yourself each day!

Jack: How come no news from you huh?! so far so good?!

RuiFen: Our lovely sister! Who always tk care of us, the most caring and thoughtful one in our gang... LOL.. Thks for taking care each one of us, BIG HUGSSS for you! ^ ^

Mark: Naughty one during school time, mature guy by now. I was astonished by your change, Mark. ( Ivo too right?!) LOL Thks for joining us to the crazy party before I left. ^ ^continue to stay healthy ok!? less drinking, less smoking etc etc... so just Take care!

Jenson: Arr, hey brother, though I didn't know you for very long time, but we click well right?! LOL.. THANKS for mailing me the precious DVD. Did Ivo tell you that you just saved my life?! hahaha... Sure will visit you one day and probably cook sth nice for you! haha

Kim: Girl, you are always so quiet... (I know you can be lame too LOL) Dun over stressed by work ( I know you wont) and go out more la. Since alot of us are not around, do keep our gang going. haha

Still have soneone to write but I run out of time, catch with ya guys again!

Misss you all! Love

Panic, confusion, unknown

I have had my visa done today, collecting on Sat. Flying on 16 Feb.

I am experiencing a constant feeling of confusion recently. I have never had this kind of thinking ever before, my life was always planned, organised logically. a normal way of living as how everyone lives. Go to high school, graduate with A, enter college, find a boyfriend, dating, studying, graduate again, work, getting married then family life. Whenever I think of that my lip keeps on shivering as I can’t imagine how boring it could be. I am not someone who seeks excitement always in life. But I dislike stagnant lifestyle; I wish to learn, to explore, to travel to new places, to meet new friends, to expose to new cultures.
However, whenever I looked at my colleagues who are working and working and working non-stop with no complaints yet still get scolded, I was telling myself this is not what I want? Am I going go work for someone for my entire life like how my friends do?
My ambition was clear, however, after working for this long; I start to have doubts of what I am doing.
I gonna clear my mind first before I can write anything out today. Chaotic.

Sigh~~

Singapore Poly Cert can be only replaced once ONLY.
Dun have any replacement for O level. My beautiful all A results ahhhhh~~~~

someone pls kill me~~~

................

My hope of find my stuff is getting less. How do you expect yourself to find 4 pieces of paper from 10 of thousands papers!!!! Actually from beginning I should know while my certs are over at his place, I will never expect to find them.
What to do? I am just freaking pissed off somehow.
Such important documents....... I should store my stuff properly next that NO ONE could bring them else where. Cos no one is going to take care of your stuff while you are not!
Lesson learn.
I should rely on no body and it's time to get myself organized.

I am back.

Sorry to all my friends.... I was away for such a long time and didn't really update regularly as what I have promised. James has left for one month plus, while traveling I could not feel his absence. But at the point when I step out of plane, I suddenly realised I gonna go back home alone. No one is waiting for me at the arrival hall, no one has prepared everything to welcome my return.
Therefore, time to re-organise all my emotions and to move on. first of all, get myself organised. A schedule is needed especially for people like me, I have to make logical plans and make effort to do it accordingly. (that is the hard part, to do it accordingly)
Shall pen off now, gonna meet Jr for dinner soon. Will try my best to update daily.
love to all. especially to you, my darling.

What a beauty shall be.

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. 若要优美的嘴唇，要说友善的话；

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. 若要可爱的眼睛，要看到别人的好处；

For a slim figure, share your foodwith the hungry. 若要苗条的身材，把你的食物分给饥饿的人；

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
美丽的秀发，在于每天有孩子的手指穿过它；

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
若要优雅的姿态，要记住行人不只你一个。

People, even more than things, have to be restored, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone. 人之所以为人，是应该充满精力、能够自我悔改、自我反省、自我成长，而不是抱怨他人。

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find them at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others. 如果你需要一只援助之手，你可以在自己的任何一只手臂下找到；随着年龄的增长，你会发现你有两只手，一只用来帮助自己，另一只用来帮助别人。

some thoughts + old pics

Another old post~~ XDDDDD
PS, JR, WT , SL and me, we met at AMK hub on which day i forgot already to celebrate my birthday. haha, that was almost 1 month ago...... = = !! what? already one month???? goodness time really FLIES!! How scary!
We are no longer kids, we have gradated from college and started to work like our parents. We are working adults now!!! ButI don't know why at times I still regard myself as a little girl. Ok fine, I am not acting cute here and I REALLY hate people who ACT as someone they are not. How disgusting of wearing a mask and fake your identity and fool around! Yirk~~~~ back to topic, i ust feel like I am still as energetic as a 16 year old. I hope when I reach the age of 70I still can proudly should out " I am cool, I am fun. I am the coolest grandma! " haha
yeah, time to show you our fantastic dinner:




Old friends since secondary school : PS, JR, me,SL, WT. ( where is MT huh?)
cheers for friendship!

私は、何をしたらよいかを知りません。(not completed)

first of all, a poem to share

DEPRESSION.....

Loneliness is …..
The empty feeling that comes from within
Loneliness is ……The longing to share your thoughts and
feelings with someone who’ll listen
Loneliness is ……Reaching out for open arms to find none there
Loneliness is …..Standing in a crowded room but feeling alone
Loneliness is …...Picking up the phone but having no one to call
Loneliness is …...Knowing there is no one thinking of you

Depression is …..Feeling alone
Depression is …..Knowing this will never change
Depression is …..Knowing your best isn’t good enough
Depression is …..Knowing nothing you do matters
Depression is …..Realizing your best days have gone
Depression is ….. Looking forward to the end
Depression is …..Knowing no one really cares that you
are looking forward to the end

I t is unhealthy if you find this poem describes your thoughts.
=====================================================

I am not depressed but my loved one is suffering now. Actually for almost 2 year I have been praying for her constantly.
(no mood to write, will try to write later at night......)