Meet up ~ and picking up some emotions

I was feeling down for the past two weeks. My mom's depression came back again though this time only lasted for 2 weeks. But the emotional torture was far beyond manageable. For the past two years, mom's illness happens every 4 months. I could hardly recognise her when it's during her bad condition, she is getting more and more suspicious, I must be very careful of what to say and what to do. Finally this week she seems getting better, from the way she talks I am able to sense whether she is in the right mind. My study plan may be affected due to this. Anyway I am optimistic; I believe even bad things have possitive points. ^ ^smile to yourself and ask yourself to keep on smiling. There is nothing in this world worth to be worried, if there is a wish, there will be a way.

Last Sunday I met up with Singapore zuka friends, haha. Not really a meet up, just went to Jasmine's house to collect the stuffs we ordered online as well as watching DVDs. Thanks to Jas for kindly helping us to order the stuff without asking shipping fees. ^^ got to treat you a nice meal!!!

私は、何をしたらよいかを知りません。(not completed)

first of all, a poem to share

DEPRESSION.....

Loneliness is …..
The empty feeling that comes from within
Loneliness is ……The longing to share your thoughts and
feelings with someone who’ll listen
Loneliness is ……Reaching out for open arms to find none there
Loneliness is …..Standing in a crowded room but feeling alone
Loneliness is …...Picking up the phone but having no one to call
Loneliness is …...Knowing there is no one thinking of you

Depression is …..Feeling alone
Depression is …..Knowing this will never change
Depression is …..Knowing your best isn’t good enough
Depression is …..Knowing nothing you do matters
Depression is …..Realizing your best days have gone
Depression is ….. Looking forward to the end
Depression is …..Knowing no one really cares that you
are looking forward to the end

I t is unhealthy if you find this poem describes your thoughts.
=====================================================

I am not depressed but my loved one is suffering now. Actually for almost 2 year I have been praying for her constantly.
(no mood to write, will try to write later at night......)

Q & A (OK, I am just bored.)

Get these stupid question from JR, one of my best pal. Always hanging out with her because rarely find anyone who can chill out late with me. ^ ^

=========================start====================================
1. What color are your kitchen plates?
Bought nice china plates, hee, but never use.

2. What book are you reading now?
Blink

3. Manga you're currently reading?
Old school manga, now re-reading The rose of versailles.

4. What is on your mouse pad?
dun use mouse pad

5. Favorite board game?
nnnn~~~~not really fancy board game. maybe RISK.

6. Favorite smells?
Dun like sweet smell. Maybe smell of ralph lauren BLACK. Also like soap smell.

7. What is the first thing you think of in the morning?
It gonna be a good day!

8. Favorite color?
Paich. (Black, white grey but thy are not colours)

9. Least favorite color?
Maybe yellow. Because I cant wear.

10. How many rings until you answer the phone?
didnt count. will pick up asap. But normally it goes off before I pick up.

11. Future child's name?
Nathanael.

12. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate.

13. Do you like to drive fast?
Will drive as fast as I can.

14. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No.

15. Do you like thunderstorms?
Nope. Hate it.

16. What was your first car?
Toy car can???

17. What is your sign?
Gemini

18. Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
Yes, I like all part of broccoli.

19. If you could have any job what would it be?
foreign correspondent.

20. If you could have any color hair what would it be?
Ash

21. Is the glass half full or half empty?
Hmmmm. both

22. What is your favorite movie?
too many to keep track

23. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?
??? not really... =W=

24. What’s under your bed?
hmm, instant noodle, facial mask,oven,pad..... cant recall

25. What is your favorite number?
17

26. Favorite sport to watch?
Gymastic

27. Your single biggest intense pain?
cant remember

28. Person most likely to respond?
Dun know, whoever want to.

29. Person you sent this to who is least likely to respond?
stupid question!!!!!!!!

30. Ketchup or mustard?
MUSTARD!

31. Hamburger or hot dog?
hmm, hamburger

32. Favorite season?
I like all 4. I like places with 4 seasons. **

33. The best place you have ever been?
I alwasys think there will be better one.

34. What is your screen saver?
Previously was Harry potter, now is non---

35. What is your favorite fast food place?
Dun like fast food. Ok, subway

36. What is your favorite breed of dog?
Schnauzer

37. Your nicknames?
JS, Jsfoxbear, Jac

38. Have you ever been kissed by the opposite gender?
Yah.. what the....

39. What annoys you the most?
Kids screaming. freak me out!!!!!

40. What’s your crush's name?
- -!!!!!

41. What’s your best friend’s name?
Are you reading? if yes you are the one.!!!

42. Which celebrity annoys you the most?
whoever act innocent.

43. What type of music do you dislike the most?
Metal

44. What is currently on your wrist?
Watch

45. Okay, if you and one other person could be alone on the entire planet, who would you choose?
Sena jun. haha (kidding)

46. Are you a righty or a lefty?
right

47. What's your favorite TV show?
cant remember. Seldom watch TV now.

48. If you could make out with any cartoon character, who would it be?
....dun know

49. If you could say or do anything to Johnny Depp, what would you do?
i fell asleep watching your show (PF)

50. What is your favorite book(s) or author?
Whoever inspires me.

51. If someone stole your wallet/ bag what would you do?
You tell me what to do??!!!! ~~!!!!

52. Would you/have you ever had someones name tattooed on your body?
Nope

53. How many fingers am I holding up?
who come out with this stupid stuff???!!

54. Where's mother?
I am sure the person is insame!

55. Do you know the muffinman, if so who is he, where does he live and what does he do?god.
!!!!

56. Who's your favorite pirate?
Dun like Pirate show.

57. Who's your favorite ninja?
Ninja turtles. haha

58. If you were to choose another place and period of history to live, which would it be?*
......

59. Ice cream or pastries?
Ice cream

60. If you can be born again for the same life, would you do that?
neve happen la

61. What is your favorite animal?
dog?!

62. What is your favorite flavor of gum?
Peach

63. What is your object in life?
live happily.

64. What do you see first every morning when you wake up?
my watch.

65. What is your computer wallpaper(background)?
Sena jun. come on... (dun want to mention her name here. So dun as me what is my handphone wallpaper please)

66. Do YOU have iPod?
yup

67. Do you ever go to church?
every sunday.

68. Lyk OMG am I a n00b???!!!
?!!!

69. Would you ever walk around with a sign saying 'Free Hugs'?
not in singapore!!!!! people will think I am crazy.

70. Are you ready to DEE. DEE.
O_o

71. If you could choose a cartoon/book/movie character to be your best friend, Who would it be?
Oscar

72. Tag 5 people to do this quiz?
If you can see this and are free. otherwise ignore.
-Ivonny
-lionel
-Jacelyn
-PS
-Virly

Outing with Church Friends

Went out with church friends last Sunday after church service.
Glenn, Adam, James and I. 4 of us drove 2 cars travelled all the way from Woodlands to Marina Square. No specific reason of going there, just wanna chill out with friends who we rarely meet. (Adam, I am talking to you!!!) haha, Because of his nature of work, he could go church as often as during his study times. He played Base in our church last time, a very gifted young man!
chatted with him in his car, when James and Glenn were in other car miles ahead from us. We talked about work, future planning of studies and other rubbish which I couldn't remember. We brought 4 laptops along with us, James was joking that we actually can conduct an online game session. ><
We settled ourselves down at Mc cafe where I wrote the previous long entry. Though we just had our lunch not long ago, we still order these :



Enjoyed myself hanging out with friends! Adam, please join us more often!!!!

"世界に一つだけの花" My favourite Japanese Song-abit old school

世界に一つだけの花
花屋の店先に並んだ　
いろんな花を見ていた　
人それぞれ　好みはあるけれど　
どれもみんな　きれいだね　
この中で誰が一番だなんて　
争うこともしないで　バケツの中　
誇らしげに　しゃんと胸を張っている　

それなのに　僕ら人間は　
どうしてこうも比べたがる？　
一人一人違うのに　その中で　
一番になりたがる?　

そうさ　僕らは　世界に一つだけの花　
一人一人違う種を持つ　
その花を咲かせることだけに　
一生懸命になればいい

困ったように　笑いながら　
ずっと迷ってる人がいる　
頑張って咲いた花はどれも　
きれいだから仕方ないね　
やっと店から出てきた　
その人が抱えていた　
色とりどりの花束と　
嬉しそうな横顔

名前も知らなかったけれど　
あの日僕に笑顔をくれた　
誰も気付かないような場所で　
咲いてた花のように　
そうさ　僕らも　世界に一つだけの花　　
一人一人違う種を持つ　
その花を咲かせることだけに　
一生懸命になればいい

小さい花や　大きな花　一つとして　　　　
（小さい花　大きな花）　
同じものはないから　
No.1にならなくても　いい　
もともと特別な　Only one　

ララーラ　ラーララ　ラーララ　ラーララ・・・・・　



Sekai ni hitotsu dake no hana
SMAP

Number 1 ni naranakute mo ii
Motomoto tokubetsu na Only one

Hanaya no mise saki ni naranda
Ironna hana wo miteita
Hito sorezore konomi wa aru kedo
Dore mo minna kirei da ne
Kono naka de dare ga ichiban da nante
Arasou koto mo shinaide
Baketsu no naka hokorashige ni
Shan to mune wo hatteiru

Sore na no ni bokura ningen wa
Dou shite kou mo kurabetagaru?
Hitori hitori chigau no ni sono naka de
Ichiban ni naritagaru?

Sou sa bokura wa
Sekai ni hitotsu dake no hana
Hitori hitori chigau tane wo motsu
Sono hana wo sakaseru koto dake ni
Isshoukenmei ni nareba ii

Komatta you ni warainagara
Zutto mayotteru hito ga iru
Ganbatte saita hana wa dore mo
Kirei da kara shikata nai ne

Yatto mise kara dete kita
Sono hito ga kakaeteita
Iro toridori no hanataba to
Ureshisou na yokogao

Namae mo shiranakatta keredo
Ano hi boku ni egao wo kureta
Dare mo kidzukanai you na basho de
Saiteta hana no you ni

Sou sa bokura mo
Sekai ni hitotsu dake no hana
Hitori hitori chigau tane wo motsu
Sono hana wo sakaseru koto dake ni
Isshoukenmei ni nareba ii

Chiisai hana ya ooki na hana
Hitotsu to shite onaji mono wa nai kara
Number 1 ni naranakute mo ii
Motomoto tokubetsu na Only one


[English Translation]
A Flower Unlike Any Other in The World - Smap

I saw many kinds of flowers lined up in front of the flowershop.
everyone has their favorite kinds but all of them are pretty.
Without competing to see which was the best among them,
they were standing straight up proudly inside the bucket.
So why then do we humans have to compare ourselves to one another?
Eventhough each and every person is different,why do we want to be number one?

Yes we are each..
a flower unlike any other in the worldand each and everyone of us carries a different seed
We should focus all our efforts on trying to make that flower bloom.
There are people who are constantly unsure of what they want,
as they laugh a little put out.
It can’t be helped, all those flowers,that did everything they could to bloom, are pretty.
when at last that person comes out of the store,
they’re holding a colorful bouquetand I see them smiling happilly as they go by me.
I never knew their name butthat day they made me smile.

we too are like flowers that bloom in places where no one pays any attention.
Yes we too are each…

a flower unlike any other in the worldand each and everyone of us carries a different seed
We should focus all our efforts on trying to make that flower bloom.
Small flowers and big flowers, none are the same as one another.
There’s no need to be No. 1
you’ve always been a very special only one

Love that heals

Got up early in the morning for Sunday Service. Got to reach church at 8am for musical instruments set up as well as practice. We just shifted from a rented place in Woodlands point to Cathy Movie theatre at Causaeway point. Never imagine there could be church service in cinema. Out of my surprise actually there are 3 church services conducting in the morning.
The speaker was Bro Hong, a very gifted and blessed speaker. The topic he shared today is Love that heals.

He shared a true story with us first: A young lady who had a very miserable childhood just got married. When she was 6 years old, her mother was suffering from serious mental illness. Her father eventually decided to leave the family as he could stand his wife any longer. On the day her dad moving out, the little girl was dragging her father's leg trying very best to beg him to stay. The father pulling the poor little girl for almost 10m and left with a hurtful sentence:” I am out of here." From then on, this 6 yr old had to play a role like parents, to take care of her two younger siblings. This incident forced her to mature fast. Thank God that she was strong, took good care of her mom and younger bro and sister. And God blessed her with a nice caring guy. They got married recently.
This young wife was cooking dinner for the husband one day. She was preparing a dish which this young dude dislikes since young. Yet in order not too disappointed her he still managed to finish it all. She was happily asked him:” since you like it, here is another plate for you." This guys couldn't take it any more, he stood up and said:" I am out of here(which he meant the dining room)."
However, these words stirred up the unpleasant memories of the young wife whose father left with the same words. She could not control herself but letting out tears and shivering helplessly. When the husband saw her reaction he was thinking" goodness, she was exactly like her mom."

However, we knew that it's because of her bitterness and hurt caused her to react like that.

There are many problems we faced in our life, like lost of family members, extramarital affair, divorce, long term abuse, parents ignorance...... these factors will have great impact in our life.
A kid grows up in this kind of family or background may have problem later in his life:

~over sensitive
~perfectionism (yes, scared of failure )
~low self esteem
~afraid of commitment
~afraid of rejection
~bitterness
~resentment
~unforgiveness

The hurt , the wound is not healed properly, this wound will continue to hurt even more deeply and starts to rotten. It will be still hurtful whenever you touch it. A properly healed wound will leave a scar, still can be seen, but no pain, no hurt and touchable. Christian always says forgive and forget. But I do believe it's OK to forgive, and even give blessings. But with the scar I will never forget. But It cause no issues as it won't hurt any longer. It is just a reminder of passed issues, good or bad.

A few verses I wanna share
"Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies" - 1Cor 8:1
Many times we are over confident of our abilities for we do not know what we have actually are blessings. We gonna humble ourselves and love others.
Faith, hope and love. The greatest is LOVE.

"Hatred stirs up fights, but love covers all sins." - Pro 10:12

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." - 1 John 4:18

At times we react or respond to certain situations in the way of fear losing something. We scolded children for fearing them picking up bad habits or not learning good things. We quarreled with boyfriend for fearing of losing him. ...It will be such a horror of living everyday in fear. Instead, love your children, let them know you love them and care for them. Tell your boyfriend that you love him and want him to be happy. Tell your parents you love them you will surprisely realise your stubborn father can be quite humorous. Love will soften bitter hearts and heal wounds.

Everyone has struggles in life, big or small. The important thing is our attitude towards them. ^^or ><

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. Love your family, your loved ones, your friends even your enemy. You will realise that love is much easier than hatred.

I wasted the entire Saturday morning ><

I planned to go for my body combat class in the morning. 9am. But, when I woke up at 730, I felt my body was aching so terribly, I guess it was the after effect of the body balance class, I stretched so much so unil I felt my legs do not belong to mine already.....
Later have to go back office in Potong pasir, new HQ office, only been there once after it shifted to that location. Gonna discuss some issues regarding the new project.
Thanks to virly for sending me her portfolio for reference, ^^,but have not open to take a look yet... last night was too tired after the cell group.
Didn't update my fan blog for a few days already, realised that having 2 blogs to maintain is not that easy.

good day to all, gonna prepare myself for work le. ^^

Cell group@williams House

Today is Friday, the young adult cell group gathering as usual will gather at Williams house today. We meet up every alternate week to have fellowship and have biblical study. Our elder went to Turkey this week so that we had a cell group without any teaching material. After praise and worship, we just sat around ad chit chat as well as practicing some songs.
~~~sleepy, cant type already~~~ now is 230am.....

Dinner - Body Balance Class

Supposed to post this last night, was too tired to do so. Yesterday work ended earlier, so I decided to go for bodybalance class.
(notes: BODYBALANCE™ is the Yoga, Tai Chi, Pilates workout that builds flexibility and strength and leaves you feeling centered and calm. Controlled breathing, concentration and a carefully structured series of stretches, moves and poses to music create a holistic workout that brings the body into a state of harmony and balance.)
I reach Novena Carlifornia fitness at about 645pm, normally I will have my dinner after the class as it's not healthy to exercise with filled stomach. But my class only starts at 740, So I couldn't defeat the temptation from food, ( the club is just beside a foodcourt)
I ordered this for dinner. Hot Plate Black Pepper Chicken, it was good, tasty and pretty cheap, only $3.5 . I quickly finished my dinner in 15min, Cos I need 30 min to digest it.

Saw my BB teacher in the changing room, but didnt talk, I rushed down to "chop" a place. I like the place where about 4 o'clock 3m away from the stage, good view of both the teacher and myself. ( - -!!!)

================mur mur finished=================

Was online chatting with my friend in MSN, talked about the recent Olympic Torch issue and Tibet Independence. I could not share more here as I have to read stuff from both angles, the Chinese press as well as the western media. People formed anti-CNN organisation to against false statement, I do believe the fact that Media will try to exagerate the truth sometimes, i still got to read more first to have my personal point of view. Will see.

last but not least : World peace!

Ameba's new blog

Yah, this new one will be Takarazuka related. Have been thinking of moving from Baidu to somewhere else for quite a long time, Although I am kind of managing one the forum (ASAKO’s). I wanna talk about fan sharing stuff. As fans we all know that Takarazuka stuff are very EXPENSIVE! Japanese products are already in the higher rank in terms of price, Zuka-relate products will be on top of it. For example, a normal Japanese DVD costs about 4000yen, Zuka-DVD will cost from 8000yen to 12000yen, in Singapore dollar will be 100+++, very high maintenance if you happen to be a zuka fan. Therefore, pirated DVDs were out in accordance to the market requirements. Imagine people in China earning average maybe 2500RMB a month, one piece of DVD will cost them 500+++ , a pirated one only need 40RMB. But seriously I think it's wrong. As what Hong Kong artists always say " we must support the original copies" ! I will talk more on the other blog. ^^
====================separate line===================
Planned to meet James for breakfast at 8 10am, but I know for sure he cant make it. So I was late. It then leads to a small quarrel between us. In the end he talk to me in a tone that really frustrates me, I told him " get lost" and I angrily walked off. ( ha, abit too much, lost control when I am pissed off) Then on the train I sms him to say sorry and he replied me a sms to apologise as well. Hah, we are good again. Remember never allow yourself to be unhappy for more than 10min, for couples don't quarrel longer than 15min.

Forgot to pray with James, we always meet in the morning and say a prayer together.

Here it goes: "Dear heavenly father God, I thank you for granting me this beautiful and cooling morning. I wanna pray that you help us in all things we do, ... ... ... amen!"

Haha, gonna work now. Blessed day to all!

My iPod and Calendar

I have bought myself iPod classic in the recent IT fair, actually didn't plan to buy any thing, but you know know, when everybody is in the mood of buying buying buying you will be sub-consciously being affected by them. So this was the case, I bought it without realising it. But it's a good buy la, I prefer the silver one to the black. Maybe some people think the black one is cool and stuff, but I still have the mind set of Apple is in white or silver. Ok, I am old.

I put hell lots of movie clips inside, of course, Takarazuka related, whatever. This one was 1998 cosmos troup's (soragumi) Elisabeth, one of the best Elisabeth musical. The leading otokoyaku is Zunko san . Hanagumi (flower troup) and tsukigumi (moon troup)'s play are good too, ok, I admit it's because of Sena jun and Haruno Sumire. My favourite top stars.

The latest performance is Me and My girl, lead by Sena Jun( Asako), the current top star in tsukigumi.
Phantom of Opera, Osa and Wao's version. Osa's voice was unbelievable powerful.

Haha, Guess Ivonny is very familiar with this diary. I bought it in AMK hub, the shop sells all sorts of cute stuffs. This diary is called Jessica's diary. "I m not Jessica though, shall I give it to my friend??" haha, but the design is very cute and creative!the daily planning. Hand written fonts, with cute pictures.


Monthly planning part, the only bad thing is you have to write in the date by your own. Just now met Jr for dinner, we ate sushi. very cheap de, 99cent a plate or 2.99cent a plate. we only spent $19 to fill our stomach. After that we went coffee bean to chit-chat. I ordered Belgian Choc Latte, but the choc taste is not very strong le. I realise I like black coffee more.

Plan to do my portfolio for uni application, still have not found a chance yet. Ok la, fine, I am too lazy and always find excuse to escape doing the right stuff. Think I spent too much time update my fan blog. 299 hits yesterday!! Haha, guess Asako's talk show attracts more people than what I write. = =!!!
Good night to all! God bless.. I gonna do my quiet time now!

08-04-16 Morning, Sunny

Early in the morning, the sun is shining brightly outside my site office, (de, as usual what), sometimes when I look out from my window seeing all the construction workers working under such horrible tropical sun, I feel truly compassionate for them. Fighting to live, such a cruel world where some people live comfortably in big mansion, enjoying chilled bear on the cruise, sun-tanning(purposely to have that brown-colour-tone skin) on the beach of Maldives; yet the others work 12 hours a day in front of washing basin, 8 hours continuously under the hot sun, pick up tin cans from the ground or even in the trash bin. The world is unfair, some people are born with millions, some people born to live as a fisherman.

However, I believe God is fair, we are predestined even before we are born. We are given special talents in different ways, we interpret happiness and life differently, so stop comparing yourself with others, only we can determine how happy we are.

I always tell myself that I gonna wake everyday freshly as a new born baby, things happened yesterday have already happened, good or bad. Do not cling to the past( not saying that forget everything, I believe you know what I mean) . Forget you were the top student in Secondary school as no one is going to care about that when you start to work, so humble yourself and treat everyone with respect, as you never know what you can learn from them. Forget how embarrassed you were when you were making mistakes, as people will just laugh and forget them, there is no point you should remember. Forget the hurt that special someone brought to you(感情を傷つける), smile and be happier and stronger, as you are the master of your life.

I think I have no much work load today, the project is going to get TOP, after 12 months hard work finally it's going to be over.

This picture is taken when I just reach the site office. Foundation work ending.

The latest photo I have not taken yet, the cladding is up, say YEAH to my team!

A day @ Pulau Ubin

Click Pulau Ubin if you are not sure what the hell is that.

Have been working for sometimes, ( Ok, about a year) colleagues are good, I was taught loads of things here though the project I am doing is pretty boring. Actually working on site is not as tough as what we normally expect, as Archi personnel I am working in the site office, quite comfortable. got freshly brewed coffee everyday!

^ This is taken when we on the The main entrance ^

Ferry cross over to the island.
About 10min ride.

I love off-track cycling, it is fun!! on the muddy uneven path, uphills and down slope, challenge both your physical and mental strength.

JSの日記 - first entry

I have been blogging for almost 8 months, yet few of my friends know about it as it is only Takarazuka-related blog. All those fan stuff which I don't expect my friends to understand. I supposed to go for my further study in early 2008, yet some issues made me defer my plan. It is not a bad thing though, I changed the initial plan of going to QUT in Brisbane, instead, I will be applying RMIT which is in Melbourne.

2007, or I rather say end of 2007 is not a very good year, except this year I fell desperately in love with Takarazuka ( Again, haha, Please forgive me if you have no idea what the hell is that.) I nearly broke up with the nicest guy who has been holding my hands for 4 years because another stupid American dude. Sorry, I shouldn'd call that fellow stupid, or rather, I am the one who couldn't see the world clearly.

I am rather lonely now as a few of my pals have gone over Ausie for studies. Ivo, Lionel, Virly, Jas.. missssss you guys. missed the times when we went shopping, clubbing, outing, having lunch at food court one. Time will never go back to the past which has already past.
Think it's time to meet up with the rest who are still in Singapore, yet, many times these kind of suggestion will be turn down for sure... Are we really so busy?!! I assume so.

Gonna go back to work. >_<